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There was a time when Weezer wasn't just a sentient meme that releases albums or the target of an SNL skit. Twenty-five years ago, when the band put out their first self-titled (and best) album, they were a breath of fresh air in an age where rock had become too self-serious and a darkness had descended following the suicide of Nirvana's Kurt Cobain.

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Weezer had plenty of power chords and undeniable melodies in their toolbox, but they also relied on pure comedy. Their first single was a crunchy buzz bomb about a sweater unraveling, and their breakout hit was about how the singer looked like Buddy Holly, and it boasted a video that was made to look like a 'Happy Days' episode. Nirvana was funny at times, for sure, but Weezer made their goofiness their calling card. It's tough to think of another group that has been so dependably bad, almost without fail. People who complained in 2001 that the band's music had become generic and pallid had no idea that, come 2019, Weezer would have completed a transformation into a Maroon 5-like mom-pop group that sounded like the menu music for a Playstation NBA game from 2005. People who marveled at the band's twin back-to-their-roots albums in 2014 and 2016 wouldn't have guessed that they would do a 180 and go back to making the brainless pap that had made them one of the most hated bands in the land for years running.

Yet, here we are. The band's new 'black' album was preceded by the 'teal' album, a hideous and totally unnecessary covers record that found the group doing songs like TLC's 'No Scrubs' and A-Ha's 'Take On Me,' because they apparently wanted to do the most annoying thing possible after having a hit with a Toto cover.

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Somewhere, a Weezer stan declared 'This is great!' That person was wrong. Amazingly, incredibly, though, the teal album was probably not as bad as this new black album.

Because the songs on the teal album were all hits, and the ones on the black album are all something that rhymes with 'hits.' Even beyond being comprised of bad songs that all sound like the worst garbage that JC Penney makes you listen to while you try on Arizona jeans during a half-off sale, Rivers Cuomo has finally become a complete jive turkey. His old habit of feinting at rap cadences used to be funny, because look at the funny white nerd in glasses singing that stuff. Now, it's gross and tone-deaf and stale. 'Can't Knock the Hustle' is an idiotic opener about being an Uber driver that features Cuomo singing 'Hasta luego / adios' while soul singers go off in the background like it's 1992. 'Don't step to me, bitch,' the 48-year-old Cuomo sings. Song two is a song called 'Zombie Bastards' that sounds like the hold music in hell.

'Music saved my life,' Cuomo sings over vomitous synthetic instruments. Was it good music, though?

Given what he's laying down, here, one wonders if it was a Paula Abdul record or an Imagine Dragons b-sides album that rescued him from whatever fate he avoided. There are other tracks on the album, but they all are varying degrees of insipid, and none of them sound much like Weezer playing rock music, which is the only reason to listen to Weezer. Cuomo has again cruelly turned his grunge-pop band into a vehicle for him to make genre songs for tweenage girls who don't want to listen to him in the first place. It's disturbing, it's ugly, and it's pitiful.

D-chills all the way. Pass, pass, pass.

Tony Bennett reviews albums for the News Tribune. He can be reached at. Artist: Weezer Album: 'Weezer' (black album) Produced by: David Sitek Website: weezer.com Personnel: Rivers Cuomo (vocals, guitar, keyboards), Pat Wilson (drums), Brian Bell (guitar), Scott Shriner (bass).

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